Dolls of the Carnival

Let me paint this picture; broaden this canvas. Let me elucidate this connotation in which we are visionless. Come with me we'll go and see the carnivale filled with mysteries. It fiddled with my head for what seemed to be forever. He took my hand to whisk me inside but this level of entertainment, I was not prepared for, and I've heard of this place a number of times in my life. Its aura was filled with passion but I had to question how long would it last that way. I was frozen to a decision that I had a matter of seconds to make. One..I'd seen girls run out; holding their chests, and head hanging low with despair. Two.. everyone does it; he kept counting and held my hands, his knees in the dirt looking me into my bright hazel eyes assuring me that this particular event would change my life. Just take this chance. Three.. I noticed the men never came out of this place. I could hear the glasses chime together as they toasted and cheered. I envisioned the beer dropping to the floor in the shape of a plunging tear. There were disturbing screams and shattering noises of ruckus; my inquisitiveness began to take over. I moved closer to this place to see what was inside. Four.. The clock continuously ticks. tock. tick. tock. I’m debating if this is what God has planned for me today. My mother used to say the mind of a man is so manipulative. I've come to agree with her; Five.. I'm standing in front of these curtains. The muscle bound man, color of creamy cafe au lait, body as stiff as steamy starched; stepped down with a blindfold in his hand. My heart begins to panic. I could feel his breath on my neck. Six.. his mouth moves closer to my ear and he whispers relaxing words of seduction. You're ready for this. You've come all this way for all this time. Why turn back? Seven.. in my situation it was not my lucky number. My body trembled to the touch of his hands caressing my sides and kissing me on the tip of my spine down to each knot of my backbone. Eight.. he secures the velvet blindfold around my eyes to guided me inside. It smelled of lavender as my face barely touched the rough cotton like drapes. Nine.. He removes my sweater off my shoulders as I stick my leg inside feeling a burning sensation down my back. I stopped him. Ten..I'm not ready for this. Not now. I explain that my love is going to take much more than just a meaningless escapade. I stand here a bright diamond. Should I enter this world I may never be the same. I just began to love myself. I do leave you with this heart of mine because you've taught me so much. You do understand. My heart means much more than what’s inside that crazy world. You do understand.

Dear You.

I am the girl holding the heart that still breathes; on the table where you last left it. I am the girl seeking satisfaction from such inexplicable interaction with your mind; these games we play can be pretty amusing. Confusion from contusions you left on my soul; somehow we let go, the plot only thickens. To think I had you, just you, and only you; the fool I was, the one you made of me. Some things can’t be seen from the naked eye and the fact that you lied; my mind is buried. Six feet under is where I lay and let’s just say; I’ve passed over to a new life. Here I am into your arms again but this time, I don’t know who you are. In time afar we see it the same; I’ve changed my name, and you, you still remain. This is my last hope, this is the last stroke; my colors run out. I’m back to red from this rainbow of scenes and this time I see what everything means.

One of those freewrite things.

Last night was bad, real bad.

Intuition sensed it hours ago.

It seems like I'm always reaching over the dresser for the same Kleenex I used to wipe my tears from the night before.

I feel like I'm always waking up in the morning popping that same Advil pill from the migraine I woke up with the morning before.

I hate waking up to the stained pillowcase my lonely tears fell onto.

What I hate even more is knowing that they'll be there tomorrow night.

It's crazy how I remember staring up at the walls questioning my sanity.

Man, how those walls could talk.

Someone told me to pray because their heart could see mine breaking.

I told God that I needed him just this one night.

I asked to get through just this one night.

Time had never been so repetitious.

My heartbeat echoed off the walls.

Never have I endured so much pain, yet I continued to go back.

Realizing as much as I go back and try, I should keep praying.

I got my answer last night.

God said, "The first night is always the worst."

Little Girl Across The Street

My how she's grown.
Little girl across the street is nothing more than a baby, but my how she's grown!
She reeks of pulchritude; chestnut brown hair blowing with the wind.
Her eyes, hazel like her sundress and shaped to finesse.
I did always say she had her mother's beauty.
Little girl across the street is nothing more than a baby, but my how she's grown!
I've seen her cry many many tears; her strength is immeasurable.
Her intelligence is like not other; she's learned from the best.
I did always say she had her mother's soul.
Little girl across the street is nothing more than a baby, but my how she's grown!
My little girl across the street.